Where oh Where?

I sit here at my computer as yet another birthday approaches (at a galloping speed I fear) and I am again wondering ‘where has my life gone?’ and more importantly ‘where is my life headed?’

Dont get me wrong I am not one of those ‘whoa is me’ types of people, in fact, for the most part I am a happy and jovial person, but once a year and yes usually as I am about to turn another year older, I start the ‘what have I done with my life’ spiel and most often or not, I might add with little resolution.

So …. what have I done with my life you ask?  Well, I married young(ish) – 22 is quite young these days and sometimes I feel this is where I took the wrong turn – perhaps I should have turned right instead of left  Sure, I was in love (or was I??) and the world revolved around this guy who I thought was the ants pants and so when he asked I accepted.  Life then came with a whole lot of new instructions.
I went from the safety of my home with mum and dad (perhaps I should have moved out and lived on my own first), to being married and moving some 4500km away from everyone and all that I knew.  Reality hit like a tonne of bricks but hey, I was young (& remember I still had the rose tinted glasses on) and thought I could tackle the world!

The first few years were hard but Im made of stern stuff and I had my ‘life partner’ by my side and still felt that nothing was going to get in my way.

Fast track to 2005, I’ve not long turned the big 4-0 and have 2 smallish children (ok so one was 13 and the other 8 but still children in my eyes) and suddenly Im a single mother whose world has collapsed around her (clearly I didnt quite achieve the world tackling part), and struggling to pull myself together while still maintaining some sort of family life, juggling work and the building of our dream house.   Finances were also a big worry at this time and I have never felt so alone as I did in those early months, especially with my mum being in Perth while I was and still am in Melbourne.
My children were definitely my saviour as I didnt have the luxury of crawling into my bed and staying there for 6 months – they needed my love and attention and assurance that in the end everything would be OK,  I definitely believe that we helped each other through those tough times.

Over the next few years, (after the property settlement and subsequent divorce),  my kids and I took a couple of holidays together which was and are very special to me and I thank god every day that although my life hasnt turned out at all the way I expected, I have 2 wonderful children by my side and we are walking this journey together.

I guess what I am saying is that even though I am getting another year older and I am still on the hunt for the love of my life (if he in fact exists), – if I was given the opportunity to change anything I have done in my life to date, Im not sure that I would ….. maybe I would change the odd thing here and there (like that crazy perm in the late 80’s, but hey everyone had one!) but for the most part I am happy with my life and where I have ended up, sure I get lonely sometimes but for the most part I think (looking back in hindsight), I was lonely when I was married and now (together with my kids), I have a dog who also gives me his unconditional love (provided I walk, feed him and let him have more than his share of my bed!!)

So … even though I sometimes feel that my life is somewhat direction-less, I need only look back on how far I have come to realise that Im probably one of the lucky ones, I have actually achieved HEAPS – I just did it with little fanfare and often without realising it.

Of course, as I pick up speed on the downward slide to the dreaded 5-0, I may have to keep reminding myself of the above on more than one occasion, but thats okay because (& pardon the pun) Im Sooooo Worth It!

As to where my life is headed…God Only Knows but I hope it will be an exciting journey (even if it is without fanfare), and fingers crossed with some overseas travel involved and it goes without saying, I hope that my family will be there with me every step of the way – oh and the dog of course!

So roll on the 18th May I say, I embrace 47 – not necessarily with a huge hug but at least with a handshake and wink to say, LETS PARTY!!!

Ciao 🙂

Hmmm Jealous Much??

Alrighty, I have an important milestone approaching on 30th October, it will be 6 years since my husband walked out the door & just avoiding have it hit in on the arse on the way out.  It is rather fitting that is so close to Halloween 😉

Now in the past 6 years, lots of things have happened and at times it seems way longer than 6 years that I have been on my own and I mean this is in a good way as I dont think I was ever this happy during my marriage.  Im not going to go into all the gory details regarding the breakdown of my marriage but suffice to say that it was most probably inevitable.

Overall I have made my peace with the whole kit-&-kaboodle and really enjoy my single life, however, there is something that continually sticks in the craw and it is this :

During our marriage, we didnt have alot of money, we lived well but we didnt take extravagant holidays (holidays were usually restricted to within Australia and done by road) and as we ran our own business, money was always an issue and it was usually me that ended up lying awake at night wondering how I was going to pay the bills (which is unfortunately, something I still do).  My ex would just ‘down’ another beer, light up another cigarette and say “she’ll be right”, which was just soooo helpful, Not!

So it infuriates me somewhat that now we are no longer together, he can suddenly afford to
a) take time off work (which he always said he couldnt do)   and
b) take holidays both the expensive and inexpensive kind which sometimes include our kids.

It could be said that it is me that is the problem, Im afraid to release the knot on the purse strings and I argue that as the sole breadwinner in the house, I need to put my bills ahead of holidays but having said that, I do know how to spend money and have on several occasions regretted my ‘impulse splurges’ when the credit card bill arrived 🙂

Am I justified in feeling jealous that he gets to go on holiday and I dont?

Of course, knowing my ex, I also know that his credit card debt is probably approaching the 80th floor of The Empire State Building at a speed rivaled only by Superman, where as mine is at a much more manageable ground floor and I own everything I have whereas he rents or leases.

It could also be argued that you dont have to spend alot of money to have a good time – I am pretty much all over this as several of my closest girlfriends and I get together on a regular basis at the local chinese restaurant and have a cracking good time for around $35 each, plus we do drinks every Friday and Saturday night where we sit around talking shit and drinking cheap wine! 😉
I also know that holidays need not be expensive either, you just have to shop around, but now that my kids are teenagers, they dont want to do the same things that I want to do so sometimes it is better to holiday at home where everyone can do whatever they want.
A recent acquisition of a dog does also limit me somewhat as he seems to think that I am his Buddha/Demi God and he must follow me everywhere!

To finish up, I think I may have answered my own question…No I am not jealous, my time will come and in the meantime I will make very good use of the peace and quiet when my kids are away 🙂

 

 

Kids – The Extreme Kind!

Is it just me or are the kids of today more selfish than we were back when we were growing up?

Unlike the many dangers that kids face on a daily basis today, when I was growing up in Perth in the late 60’s and 70’s, we didnt have to worry about stranger danger (as much), Mum usually sent us out to play in the morning and we returned home when it started to get dark, your drink was safe (as was your handbag) at the table or surrounded by shoes etc while you danced the night away at the local pub or disco and as for the drug scene, well Im sure there was plenty of it about, but I certainly didnt have to worry about where or by whom or what I was going to be offered.  Kids also got outside more, there was nothing on TV during the day so there was no sitting in front of it for hours on end.  I feel sorry for kids today who have never been tadpole fishing (and then watched them turn into frogs) or climbed trees or collected soft drink bottles to cash in for 20c worth of mixed lollies.

Technology today is also very different from when I was growing up, TV’s were still considered pieces of art and not everyone had a video player & if you did, the remote control usually had a long cord that attached to the video player itself (not very mobile, but then you hardly ever lost it down the back of the couch!) Personal computers didnt exist nor were there any video games (other than space invaders at the local deli/milkbar) and we learnt to type on manual typewriters and if we were very good, got to use the electric typewriter (usually an IBM) which had the ‘eraser key’…Lots of fun was had with that key! 🙂

As for mobile phones well they didnt come onto the scene until the mid 80’s and then they were like bricks rather than the slim models we have today.  In the case of my house, we didnt even get a house phone until I was 14! Imagine that, I had to walk down to the street to the local public phone box to make a call….Sad times indeed 🙂

What does this all have to do with kids of today I hear you ask, well its that with all this technology and the need to be contactable 24 hours a day, I think we have lost the art of conversation and become selfish.  People dont seem to have time to sit and chat like we used to, most people catch up on some kind of social media like Twitter or Facebook and I believe that everyday communication skills and etiquette is being lost as a result. This is especially prevalent with today’s kids who have/are growing up with this every changing technology.
Im just as guilty as the next person, always checking my phone for messages (even when Im out), logging onto Facebook a few times a day to see what everyone is up to, but quite frankly it appears that we just dont seem to know how to relax for fear of missing out on some important news .

Another reason why I think kids are becoming more selfish is that they have a severe case of the “I wants”.  They want the latest phone, latest HD LED/LCD/3D TV and the big one, they usually want the big house with all the trimmings NOW rather than later. They are not interested in waiting, and in the words of Veruga Salt from the Willy Wonka movie, they all seem to chant “Daddy, I want it Now!”…..

Today, most kids are earning good money but so many of them let that money slip through their fingers without really knowing where it goes.  Obviously, I know that not all kids are like that (alot of my kids friends are great kids who respect their elders and have their heads screwed on right) and I also know that mortgages are double that of when I bought my first house and of course living expenses are way higher, but still the fundamentals of life i.e. budgeting have not changed and this is where so many kids of today come unstuck.

Who is it they turn to when they cant meet their monthly bills?  Mum and Dad.  Now it is our job as parents to raise our children to know the difference between right and wrong, and to guide them through life and the many lessons they will learn along the way, but where does it say that we must constantly ‘do without’ (ourselves) in order for our kids to have? When is Enough enough?

Now I am the first to forsake something in favour of my kids getting ‘something’, but I also have my own commitments that have to be met each and every month, and I dont see why (as a parent), that automatically makes it ok for kids to bleed us dry because they dont/cant/wont budget.
I should probably point out that I am not talking about my own children here, but talking about kids in general.  Parents obviously need to take some of the blame for the way their children turn out, but kids MUST also take some of the blame for their inability to comprehend the consequences of their actions.
The older I get, the more I find myself intolerant to these kids who think it their ‘mission in life’ to get what THEY want NOW and have scant regard of what their parents have to miss out on as a result.  You could say that it is also the parents duty to say “NO” to their children when they become demanding and you would be right and this happens in alot of cases and that’s the end of it, but, what about in the extreme cases, how do you say “No” when your child/ren emotionally blackmails you?
I have heard stories from parents who have been told they wont see their grandchildren, or their children refuse to speak/see them or worse, blame them (their parents) when it all goes pear-shaped.
And that is not fair, parents shouldn’t have to live with that fear just because their children are selfish…..Im all for helping your children out, but I am against that help being ‘abused’ and the parents being manipulated into constantly helping (even when clearly they are not in a position to do so).  Who will help out the parents in their time of need if the kids are incapable of looking after themselves?  This is a sad and  terrible way to live.

To this end, of course, these kids will eventually have kids of their own and the circle of life will begin again and hopefully they will see the error of their ways, but unfortunately, the ‘abused and manipulated’ parents will (probably) not be around for their kids to apologise to for being such an ungrateful bitch/bastard during their life…….

Just my 2c worth and as the saying goes.. ” A minority will always ruin it for the majority”.

 

 

 

 

 

Things that dont go Bump in the night!

I recently had a psychic reading done and I know this sort of thing isnt for everyone but I wanted to share with you my experiences and let you make up your mind … Coincidence or just a whole bunch of Clap Trap?

Let me start at the beginning…..many years ago when I a young slip of a thing, I used to play the ouji board – it was all a bit of fun at the time and we ‘supposedly’ spoke to some reputable people who gave us information that we were able to verify later from books in the library (yes books, this was way before the days of the internet and personal computers).  At that time I was told that I had a ‘guide’ by the name of Charlie who was watching out for me.  After that I kind of lost interest in the whole ‘ouji’ experience and always imagined on the drive home that Charlie was reclining on the back seat of my car (that thought used to freak me out Lol).  So I guess you could say this is where it all began.

I am a big believer in ‘things happen for a reason’, even if that reason is not always prevalent at the time and over the past 20 odd years, I have always felt that things have ‘slotted into place’ when and where they needed to be.

After my marriage fell apart and I moved into the house I am in now (which I built), I have always felt safe and secure and not altogether alone (if you get what I mean).  Then a couple of years ago I visited a psychic who although didnt tell me anything of any great significance, she did tell me things that I wouldnt have necessarily shared with anybody else…Clever you might say, I say insightful and just a little bit creepy.
I should point out at this stage that apparently Charlie is no longer my guide, he has been replaced by a nun named ‘AnneMarie’ – I am told that Guides are only with you for certain periods of your life before moving on. (Im guessing that poor old AnneMarie has gotten an education from me over the years LOL)

Now, like most people, 2011 has not been a particularly good year for me personally or financially and I have struggled a fair bit and one night I was awoken by the smell of fresh cigarette smoke in my bedroom – it was just me and dog in the house and as neither of us smoke, I thought this was a little strange.  It is not the first time I have been awoken by strange smells in my bedroom (other than those emanating from the dog), but the others were usually female perfume – & not the brand I commonly use – but having said that, I couldn’t tell you what they were, other than say musk, vanilla, floral etc.

So….the opportunity arose for me to have a reading by a reasonably well known psychic on the radio and I grabbed it with both hands.  I initially wanted to know if there was a reason behind the sudden smells and I was told that my grandparents (possibly on my mother’s side) were letting me know that they were there to offer love and support (but unfortunately Not money).  As my beloved grandmother smoked throughout her long life (it was her only vice and she died at the ripe old age of 93 3/4) I believe she is the smoker to whom the psychic refers (unfortunately I never met my grandfather – he died 2 years before I was born and my mother doesnt believe he smoked – well not in front of her anyway).  Im not sure about the other perfume smells or who they refer to.

This however, is not where my story ends.  After the reading which basically covered that I wasn’t alone and that things would improve soon (which they have to a degree) and that I need not be afraid, I was left to wonder what happens now?   Do I talk to them?  Do they watch me take a shower, how many others are there etc etc.

A few weeks went by with no further incidents when I was again awoken one night by the very strong smell of English Lavender Cologne.  I must point out that Im not really a fan of this cologne and I have none in the house, nor do I have any lavender plants in my garden, but, this was my grandmothers all time favourite perfume.  Coincidence again I hear you say,,,,Im not too sure, unless you experience something like this, you can not imagine how strong the smell is – it was like I had the bottle in my hand and was smelling it.

I did however, take solace in the fact that my grandmother (whom I miss dearly) was/is still with me in some form and I did say hello and soon after the smell disappeared.  Since then, I have not had any other experiences but Im sure that if and when I need them again, they will let me know they are around.

You might (if you are a skeptic like my son) say that I have imagined the whole thing and it is my mind playing tricks on me – making me believe I am smelling the things I say I am smelling, you could be right but I guess you just have to experience it for yourself.

So to finish off…I firmly believe that our lives do not end just because we die – I believe that my grandfather was waiting for my grandmother to join her for 44 years (just as she was waiting a little impatiently I believe to rejoin him) and now they are together and they are regularly checking up on all members of their family and leaving them little signs to let them know they are there……

Believe it or not – the choice is yours 🙂

Hello & Welcome!

How nice of you to join me 🙂

I have finally dragged my sorry arse into the 21st century world of Blogging!  As this is my first blog it will essentially be an introduction of me to you….

Alrighty then lets get the basics out of the way first – I seem to be approaching 50 at an ever increasing rate,  the speed of which constantly has my head spinning…(and although I still have a few years before I reach the big 5-0), I honestly have no idea where the time has gone, it seems like only yesterday that I was finishing high school and preparing to go out in to the big bad world to earn my considerable wealth (unfortunately that goal still has not been reached but Im sure Mr Tattersalls will be along shortly with his oversized cheque with my name proudly printed on it)

I am a single mother to 2 teenage children a boy nearly 19 (who is currently studying Engineering at Uni) and a daughter 14 1/2 (who seems to be your typical teenage girl so  we are often at loggerheads Lol) and we acquired a dog in January this year named Brodie who seems to think he is an extension of me and gets quite upset when he is forced to stay home on his own.

I am still to meet the love of my life – my soulmate if you like.  Internet dating scares the bejesus out of me and I did the pub/club/nightclub scene way back in my 20’s so that also doesnt thrill me a great deal and so I wait patiently for the doorbell to ring and Mr Right is standing there in front of me..what are my chances of that happening you think??  Perhaps it will be him that will have that oversized cheque under his arm from Mr Tattersalls (who rings my doorbell)?

I am constantly amazed at people in general … they all seem so normal (on the outside at least) and it just goes to show that you cant always tell from the outside can you??

I have a very good sense of humour (some say its warped I prefer to say wicked) and I can have an opinion on most subjects.  I wont force my opinions on you but I certainly like it when people do see things my way – it makes things so much easier for you if you do! Lol.

Well thats about it for my first blog, Im sure there are lots of things I have forgotten but we can cover anything I have missed in future blogs.

Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to us chatting again soon

Bye 🙂